Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Single With Insecurities?

If you're single and you say you haven't thought of an ideal relationship at least once in the past month then you are very likely to be lying. We've all seen those Tumblr pictures: the really good looking couple, kitted out in snapacks and jordans and thought 'I want a relationship like that' and to be honest it's completely understandable seeing as they look so happy and cute together. Heck, it's enough to make any single girl want to jump in to bed and cry.

So, wait. Does this mean that a relationship= happiness? Some may think that I just asked a really stupid question but you'd be surprised at how many young girls think that a relationship is the answer to various problems. Many believe that a boyfriend will give them confidence, destroy their depression and make them feel beautiful and when a girl starts to think like this she is putting herself in danger.

NEVER, I repeat NEVER go into a relationship if you are not at LEAST 80% confident in who you are and what you stand for. Have a clear idea of what you are willing to give him.
Insecurities are BLINDING. The boy will tell you something you WANT to hear and you may lap it up due to self pity. Once he's gassed you up, you're in risk of doing things you wouldn't normally do. Of course not every boy is like this but in this coming day and age where sex sells everything down to Alpen cereal, boys can find temptation very hard to put off and end up thinking with their 2nd brain if you get what I mean. It's not their fault, they'll grow out of it...maybe.

Little story: 
Claire is 16. She's hot and still hasn't kissed a boy. She doesn't usually go to packed gatherings but today she's going to a house party. She turns up with her group and despite being shy she starts dancing. She spots a boy watching her and she hears someone call his name 'Michael!'. It's only 7pm and it's light outide but Claire decides to leave anyway. Waving to her friends, she leaves. 
Michael comes out shortly after and Claire then realises that she recognises him from some facebook page. He sits next to her at the bus stop, it's awkward at first but Michael breaks the ice and they start talking. They get on the same bus. Its a 20 minute journey and theyre getting on quite well when Claire presses the bell to get off.
'Don't I get a hug beautiful?' asks a smiling Michael. They hug and Claire feels strange, a weird sort of happy. She's never been 'moved' before. It's always her friend Mellissa that boys want to talk to.
'And a kiss?' Michael asks, still smiling. Claire hestitates but taken in the moment she kisses him and it feels great.
She's still buzzing when she arrives at home. 'I could have a boyfriend' she thinks, 'He's hot too'
She decides that she'll wait until he messages her first but two hours pass and Claire is impatient. She searches his name and clicks on his profile. 
Michael is in a relationship.

 Claire laughs in disbelief but continues to check his feed. It's real. Michaels girlfriend has written all over his wall - her last post stating that she misses him and wants him to come over 'NOW'. The sentence ends with a wink.
Claire sits back.
'My first kiss' she says, tears rolling uncontrollably down her cheeks.  'He had my first kiss'.
- End

Claires a sensible girl and her first kiss was always something she'd wanted to have with someone special but unfortunately for her she got taken in the moment. The promise of being wanted by a hot guy and the thought of an ideal relationship blinded her. In a moment of lust she wrongly thought she had to please him.
Being a shy girl and not going to packed events resulted in her not being used to such in-your-face attention. All Michael had to do was compliment her and he knew that. He called her 'beautiful' and the common 'single insecurity' kicked in, causing her to quickly fall for him. Claire THINKS that she's a frigid, strong minded girl but Michael could have easily taken her virginity that day, simply by flattering her.

Girls. Do two things today: Tackle your insecurities and get to know yourself. These are two powerful tools to happiness AND protection. If you know what you want and what you stand for then life becomes so much clearer and if you don't allow your insecurities to get in the way then you'll be so much happier.

A common misconception is that a boyfriend/relationship will make you happy. It might do for a while but if  you're not ready then it won't work.
My advice is that you should wait until you know and love yourself. Girls that enter relationships due to a boy temporarily curing their insecurities become severely depressed when the relationship ends as they relied so much on the boy for reassurance and attention. After the break up they genuinely feel ugly and neglected.
Relationships can sound fun and perfect but if you're not ready and you're still insecure then wait for your Prince Charming. He will come. Patience is key. Trust me.

Cilla xxx

Saturday, 7 July 2012

The Green Eyed Monster (Jealousy)

So you see this really pretty girl on Twitter/Tumblr  and you get this horrible pang right in the centre of your gut.
You sink deep into self pity as you flick through endless pictures of her ever-so-pretty face. Thoughts start racing through your head: 'I wish I looked like her, I wish I had a smile like hers, She's so pretty'. 
The thoughts start spiralling out of control: 'I'm so ugly, Why cant I look like her? Life's not fair'
You sigh and zoom into her face, trying to find some sort of imperfection inb her features to make you feel better. You scroll down and- NO. C'mon girl?!

Okay that was a bit exagerated but if you get that jealous feeling when you see a really pretty chick then read on.
Imagine this situation:
There's two dance competitions. One on MTV and one on Disney Channel. You're taking part in the MTV show and you win. Another girl wins the Disney Channel show. Instead of celebrating you become upset because you think the winner of the Disney Channel show is better than you. Why does it even matter if you think she's better than you? You won your competition and she won hers. Are you so ungrateful that you dont appreciate your own talents? Watch the face though ----> :/  Why do you even care? She's enjoying herself and you're wishing you were in her shoes.
She is in a DIFFERENT show.
She is a DIFFERENT person.
She can't be a 'better dancer' because you have DIFFERENT styles and you are DIFFERENT people. Were you born at the same time? Are you the exact same height? Exact same weight? No.
Conclusion: You are not comparible. You are DIFFERENT. You are SPECIAL. Forget about her. She is irrelevant. She is the weakest link. Tell her Goodbye.

Okay, so now thats said, sit for two minutes and think of all the people you WOULDN'T want to look like. Make a category of them. You're in this category and you're the best looking by FAR. That really pretty girl you envied before is the best looking in another category and her category is on another planet so erm forget her. She's a piece of paper in your brain, scrunch her up and throw her in your mental bin. Now throw the bin out the window.
YOU focus on staying ontop of YOUR category.
Now that does not mean being vain. It means appreciating YOUR face and realising that there are at least a MILLION people that would KILL to have your face. Think about it.

The pretty girl is a DIFFERENT girl so don't worry about her. She is a different dancer on a different channel and you are not competing with each other, So why do you feel threatened by her?
Anyway, as unbelievable as it might sound now, there are people that think you're prettier than her.

Next time you see someone and you feel that jealousy,  remind yourself: 
1. You're different people. She is her, you are you. Face that.
2. You are not competing. You are in different leagues. WHY is she on your mind? WHY? Damn. She aint the prettiest thing in the world. Cadburys Chocolate is pretty, you gonna hate on that? Get outta here!
3. It's healthy to acknowledge that she's pretty. Clap for yourself! Now exit her picture and do something towards your future! Envying her looks wont get you paid. Loving yourself and getting on with life will !
Have a nice day loving yourself.
Cilla xx

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Monday, 2 July 2012

Setting The Boundary

I would class myself as a very hospitable person, when my friends come round I feel rude if I don’t straightaway offer them some snacks or a drink and If I see that they’re hot/cold then I offer to put the fan/heater on.
Alot of my friends say I’m really polite but I just think that if someone’s coming into your house then you need to set a good impression.  You don’t want someone leaving your house thinking ‘Thank GOD I’m out of there’.
What I’ve noticed though is that when people get TOO comfortable – they get rude. It’s all about setting a standard. I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s had a friend get a bit too close to comfort. Letting a friend get too comfy is dangerous. You start getting agitated and a good friendship can be lost within seconds. Yep, I said seconds.
I simply suggest the atom rule. If you don’t know what an atom is Google it so you can have a better understanding. In the middle of an atom are protons and neutrons and they combine to form the nucleus. You are the nucleus. Around the nucleus there is a shell with two electrons. The first shell can only hold two electrons max. So you can only have two friends in your inner circle. No more, no less. Preferably one of these should be a family member. The second shell can hold 8 electrons max. So, 8 more friends. These are your good friends. Anyone else is simply an acquaintance (people you can have a good laugh with but not lose yourself with). Having too many people you call friends is where I think the problem starts, you lose track of who you’re close to and end up giving people enough leeway to get lippy, you forget who your real friends are and the deadly gossip creeps in. Keep few friends and take care of them, they will begin to respect you and you’ll find you’ll be so much happier. Alot of people say I’m always smiling; this is because I have a good circle of friends who treat me with respect. I wouldn’t trade any of my friends for anything and if you would trade any of yours then I think you should start deciding who fits in your atom...
Cilla x

Sunday, 1 July 2012

New Blog

So this is a place where I just put my thoughts right? Wow, where to start? How did I even get on to Blogger? Well, I had a tumblr before but I felt like it didnt allow me to express myself enough. I just kept reblogging other pretty girls (and then deleting them). Correct me if I'm wrong but that isn't really going to help me develop into my own confident self is it? Admiring pretty girls, shaking my head at ugly snapbacks and wondering how weed tasted got boring after a while. I needed something fun but a little more productive than that. I wanted to share my knowledge and experiences. I'm 16 and I have so much on my mind, I just had no where to put it! So here I am, I'm a blogger :) I hope I'll be easily welcomed into the world of Blogging. It seems pretty easy? But by this age I've learnt that nothing is as easy as it seems..
yaaaay :) Just made my first blog ! I'm new to this so bare with me, I'm learning ! Anyway thanks for coming to check it out and I hope you spot something you like
Cilla x