Wednesday, 12 June 2013

To trust or not to trust

It's meant to be June and erm I'm not really getting that Summer vibe from the weather to be honest...
Exam season is finally over for me so I can pretty much concentrate on the things I'd rather concentrate on for a while and as much as I loathe exam season, I've ended up being really thankful for it as it's opened my eyes to the crazy world of friendship.

Young people face mind warping amounts of pressure from literally every institution you can think of. School, the media and the family are probably three of the most influential institutions to individuals in the society I live in and if an individual struggles to balance the tasks required from all three institutions (and others) then a break down can occur. These kind of breakdown's are the one's where a friend, a real friend, is needed.

We all think we know who our friends are but very little of us do. Often times we find ourselves secluded, going through horrific trauma's on our own where we then pick ourselves up and dissolve back into our friendship circles. The seclusion may be down to a certain pride, incapability to trust others or just tradition- whatever it is, if you can't mentally select someone to support you during your time's in need then you may find yourself eating away at your own sanity.

Face it- we all need someone who we can offload to, a friend that listens patiently and tells you not only what you want to hear but what you need to hear. You probably have someone in mind right now. If you don't then don't worry because trying to fit a friend who is incapable of doing that into the space you have for a deep friendship is dangerous and the results of this can be nasty rumors and backbiting.
When an individual hurriedly selects a candidate for that 'deep friendship' in a time of desperation then the choice can be poorly made. Some people are just not fit to be entrusted with your emotional wellbeing, in fact some of your 'friends' when placed in your 'deep friendship' zone can be enemies of your well being. The skill lies in selecting the friend.

I have no doubt that some reader's may have warning sirens wailing at full blast in their minds right now. Thoughts such as : 'Surely it's dangerous allowing someone to witness you at your lowest points?', 'What if they take advantage?', 'What if they blackmail me?'. These questions are wise questions to ask. Obtaining a pass to someone's deep friendship zone is an occupation in itself and some do not have adequate qualifications for it. If you have the ability to write a good entrance exam with reasonably high grade boundaries, an exam that requires an abundance of ripe, relevant knowledge and manages to assess ones attitudes simultaneously then it's likely that the students that pass will be to your taste. In the same way, you need to carefully select those you trust.

There will always be a risk in confiding in others, you just have to decide if you're willing to take that risk or deal with life's pressures on your own. If you choose the latter then don't complain when your issue's become too overwhelming for you. It's quite strange when an individual chooses to voluntarily carry a load of emotional burdens by themselves then explodes with a multitude of angry or depressing remarks on public social networking sites.. it just doesn't make sense if you really think about it.

A misconception is that friends you've known for long periods of time or friends with whom you've never had an argument with automatically fit the bill for a 'deep friendship'. Speaking from experience- if you have a friend that you've had a serious fall out with and you've been able to overcome that then perhaps it's high time you started appreciating that friendship for the strong tower it really is. It's easy to make up with someone and still dwell on the fall out but when you're both mature enough to really let it go in order to allow your friendship to live on then you'll realise that letting that blemish on your friendship get in the way could have been one of the worst mistakes you ever made.

It's like this: If you build a bridge between you and a friend but don't walk on it then you'll never know if it's sturdy enough to carry your weight. You may walk on it and it may collapse but you can always build it again and this time it'll be able to hold your weight when you need to use it as your path to refuge. Tested friendships often prove to be the sturdiest, people just don't realise it and let minor issues keep their bridges collapsed or 'burned' as some put it.

Life's too short to hold grudges. Mature people move on and get on with it. Life's too short to fear to trust. If you don't trust then let it be out of choice not fear and be prepared to deal with burdens on your own. Life's too short. End of..

..which is precisely why you need to distinguish the qualified from the unqualified.

The option lies with you:
To trust or not to trust - that is the question. You are the examiner. Only allow worthy candidates a space in your 'class'.

Take care,

@CillaCasey xx