Saturday, 21 December 2013

Skin

I am who I am mainly because of my skin. There's no two ways about it.

When someone is called 'tough skinned' it's usually because of the following reasons:
- They're not easily swayed
- They don't get upset easily
- They have a strong personality.

Those close to me, especially members of TGYM would say I'm 'tough skinned'. When it come's to the movement it's definitely run on a strict policy - If you ever waste my time I'll make sure you regret it. That's no threat, that's just how it is.

I often end up caring about people's future's more than they do which is why I can come accross as strict. I never like seeing someone throw their future away. I genuinely always want the best for people I work with and they know that, which is why my actions are rarely questioned.
I'm only 18 but I've been given Mothers day cards from people who appreciate and regard my affection and advice. As well as my biological younger brother I have several other spiritual younger brothers and sisters and I care for them deeply. I try to teach them the importance of having a tough skin because it breaks my heart to see any one of them upset.

Some say I have a tough personality skin but not many realise that I also actually have a tough physical skin. It wasn't until I started getting called out of classes that friends realised my medical condition was serious.
I'm an actress- you won't know something's up unless I either tell you or you catch me completely off guard, in this case I was caught off guard.

In terms of health, life hasn't exactly been straight forward. I can say that from the second I was born something has always seemed to go wrong.
I came out on the 26th November and instead of being one of the happiest days of my mothers life it turned out to be one of the most emotionally draining. Instead of hearing a babie's cry, my mother heard silence as she produced a blue, unconscious child.
She honestly thought that was it and my Father desperately tried to be strong for her. My mother was blessed with the most determined doctors and they successfully managed to get me to stability.

After that rollercoaster it was about skin. From the age of about 1 I was in and out of hospital, I would stay over for several nights at a time and the nurses would cover me in ointments and bandage me up. I looked like a walking egyptian mummy.
My parents were told I had Dermatitis herpetiformis, a form of eczema. I had serious rashes on my face, my neck, the creases of my arms, my elbows, behind my knees and on my knees. Somehow my scalp managed to be avoided by this rash and I was lucky enough to have really healthy hair, friends will know how much I love hair and how much I love wearing different hairstyles.
Some rashes were a bright red, some were borderline purple and others were a dark brown, close to black. Itching during the night was a nightmare and my mother was often visiting me during the night up until I was about 9.
Some studies suggest eczema is genetic but many scientists disagree and claim it can be provoked by bacteria, allergens or fungi. None of my preceding siblings had it and neither did my parents. I was also the first of all my cousins to have it too.

I was prescribed light treatments such as Oilatum and Aqueous cream to take baths with and was advised to use an array of ointments to stop my skin from flaking. I was told my eczema might go once I reached adolescance but for now it could only be tamed.
It only got worse from there..
A popular ointment amongst black people is Vaseline and so this is what I started to use. This only irritatated my skin further as it clogged pores and made me hot and sweaty. It was thought that I was being fussy but in the summer my eczema appeared to burn.
That's when my parents realised that Vaseline is basically thick oil and it was causing the sun to practically fry my skin.
By this time I looked like a mess. My skin was tired and looked like it wasn't going to heal any time soon.

Everyday was a regime of Oilatum and Aqueous cream and a whole new host of prescribed ointments including Diprobase, Doublebase, E45, sometimes Epaderm and the rare Hydrocortisone tube.
I would then put on a special camoflage kit of thick natural foundations for sensitive skins, several shades darker to hide the eczema. I would then apply a thin layer of a cooling Vitamin C facial spray. As a young girl I loved putting this on, I was so happy that I could hide behind a mask and it gave me confidence.

Once my parents and I started to understand my condition more, the journey became easier. I was now an expert in applying my masque and the itching had gone down.

For several years I was alright. There was minor itching, the eczema was still extremely visible but I was no longer scratching furiously at my arms.
It wasn't until I was about 13 that it came back in full force. I entered my teenage years an insecure wreck and was convinced no one would look twice at me.

In comes Abi. I met Abi and we instantly clicked as she had a skin condition too. It felt so relieving to have someone outside of the family to talk to and I poured out my life to her. I was getting to the age where an interest in boys was growing and I wanted a cure, I wanted to look good and wearing the masque was becoming tiresome.

Being 13, Abi & myself weren't very wise. My skin was patchy beyond description and we somehow thought it'd be wise for me to go to a tanning booth and even it out. I saved up £15 and we both went to book me in. They told me I was being silly, that it would only make my skin worse and that they couldn't even book me in as I had no guardian with me.
I was furious and thought they were being racist.
It was then that Abisola and myself came up with the idea of 'vaseline tanning' due to my previous experience. In the summer every lunch time we would walk by the science block and I would take off my tights, roll up my shirt and cover every bit of visible skin in vaseline and lay down on the grass.
I always couldnt wait for summer and I remember pretending to be a patient at a tanning booth and Abi being the sales assistant. I would pay imaginary money and then lay down on the grass.
Even when we had dance rehearsals I would run by the science block with Abi for a last minute grab at the sun. Other girls would pass by and give questioning looks but I didnt care, I was 'curing' myself.
It wasn't until a science teacher shouted outside the window for me to 'put my clothes on and come inside RIGHT NOW' that everything turned sour.
I explained to the teacher what I was doing and she suggested I seek a treatment instead of 'cooking' myself.
I went home crying to my parents that this teacher was being an enemy of progress and that she didnt want me to be healed.
They took a look at my skin and almost screamed. I had apparently made it 10 times worse.

I was instantly booked in to see my dermatologist and was put on my most serious ointments to date, I was put on a course of the well known 'vats', corticosteroids.
Initially I was frightened to death as the side effects of these can be a thinning of the skin and a loss of pigmentation but in the end it was decided that the clearing would be worth it.
It was tricky application, having to come out of class to apply it and hands had to be washed before and after application- it was all very stressful.
I was treated and later booked in for several peels, prescribed mild face and body washes, bandages and soaps.
I also often had to have treatments outside of the NHS with specialists, costing my parents a lot of money but the results were worth it.

At times my skin would be so inflamed that I would be bed bound. My good friend Grace would always come round with cards and flowers and tell me that I'd be better soon. She was my support at a time where I felt that my skin would ruin my life and I love and respect her so much. She is honestly one of the best things in my life.

I couldn't understand why they hadn't put me on these ointments in the first place but I was told they were very powerful and only for the most serious cases.
They were right when they said my condition would significantly improve as I reached adolescance, my skin began to clear dramatically, leaving only small eczema scaring below my eyes and below my knees.
I'm still on medication and occasionally have to be booked in for treatments but for now, my skin's at the healthiest it's ever been.

I look back and laugh at my stupidity but words can't describe how convinced Abi and myself were that we were doing the right thing.
I put myself in serious danger without having the slightest clue I was doing it.
I'm glad however that we did it as I went onto the right treatment and In doing so Abi found out more about her condition and was moved onto more suitable medicines.

Abi and myself are practically sisters now and words can't explain how much I love her. We've been through so much together and I see us being great friends for life. She was there in my lowest of times and has been there when I turned my life around and started a youth movement. To say I have the greatest friend's in the world would be an understatement.

In my case, it seems to have been triggered off by an allergen so I'm glad that I won't be passing it on to any future children.
I know several people with eczema and know their struggle. It's seen as something you should just deal with and get over but it can have damaging effects to ones confidence and self esteem.

My face is dressed in tears as I write this. The term 'comfortable in my own skin' is taken lightly but it's something that a lot of people feel they can't be.
It's torn at me emotionally but it's also made me stronger.
I have a thick personality skin because of my physical skin. I won't be pushed around or told I'm not good enough because I know that I'm better than anyone who puts me down.

some of the things I still have to regularly use, until it's all cleared up :)

Sticks and stones may break a bone
but my skin will tear for no one.
Even when I feel so low and alone
I won't let anyone take me off my throne.

Stay confident and ambitious.

Lots of love.

@CillaCasey xxxx










Wednesday, 12 June 2013

To trust or not to trust

It's meant to be June and erm I'm not really getting that Summer vibe from the weather to be honest...
Exam season is finally over for me so I can pretty much concentrate on the things I'd rather concentrate on for a while and as much as I loathe exam season, I've ended up being really thankful for it as it's opened my eyes to the crazy world of friendship.

Young people face mind warping amounts of pressure from literally every institution you can think of. School, the media and the family are probably three of the most influential institutions to individuals in the society I live in and if an individual struggles to balance the tasks required from all three institutions (and others) then a break down can occur. These kind of breakdown's are the one's where a friend, a real friend, is needed.

We all think we know who our friends are but very little of us do. Often times we find ourselves secluded, going through horrific trauma's on our own where we then pick ourselves up and dissolve back into our friendship circles. The seclusion may be down to a certain pride, incapability to trust others or just tradition- whatever it is, if you can't mentally select someone to support you during your time's in need then you may find yourself eating away at your own sanity.

Face it- we all need someone who we can offload to, a friend that listens patiently and tells you not only what you want to hear but what you need to hear. You probably have someone in mind right now. If you don't then don't worry because trying to fit a friend who is incapable of doing that into the space you have for a deep friendship is dangerous and the results of this can be nasty rumors and backbiting.
When an individual hurriedly selects a candidate for that 'deep friendship' in a time of desperation then the choice can be poorly made. Some people are just not fit to be entrusted with your emotional wellbeing, in fact some of your 'friends' when placed in your 'deep friendship' zone can be enemies of your well being. The skill lies in selecting the friend.



I have no doubt that some reader's may have warning sirens wailing at full blast in their minds right now. Thoughts such as : 'Surely it's dangerous allowing someone to witness you at your lowest points?', 'What if they take advantage?', 'What if they blackmail me?'. These questions are wise questions to ask. Obtaining a pass to someone's deep friendship zone is an occupation in itself and some do not have adequate qualifications for it. If you have the ability to write a good entrance exam with reasonably high grade boundaries, an exam that requires an abundance of ripe, relevant knowledge and manages to assess ones attitudes simultaneously then it's likely that the students that pass will be to your taste. In the same way, you need to carefully select those you trust.

There will always be a risk in confiding in others, you just have to decide if you're willing to take that risk or deal with life's pressures on your own. If you choose the latter then don't complain when your issue's become too overwhelming for you. It's quite strange when an individual chooses to voluntarily carry a load of emotional burdens by themselves then explodes with a multitude of angry or depressing remarks on public social networking sites.. it just doesn't make sense if you really think about it.

A misconception is that friends you've known for long periods of time or friends with whom you've never had an argument with automatically fit the bill for a 'deep friendship'. Speaking from experience- if you have a friend that you've had a serious fall out with and you've been able to overcome that then perhaps it's high time you started appreciating that friendship for the strong tower it really is. It's easy to make up with someone and still dwell on the fall out but when you're both mature enough to really let it go in order to allow your friendship to live on then you'll realise that letting that blemish on your friendship get in the way could have been one of the worst mistakes you ever made.

It's like this: If you build a bridge between you and a friend but don't walk on it then you'll never know if it's sturdy enough to carry your weight. You may walk on it and it may collapse but you can always build it again and this time it'll be able to hold your weight when you need to use it as your path to refuge. Tested friendships often prove to be the sturdiest, people just don't realise it and let minor issues keep their bridges collapsed or 'burned' as some put it.

Life's too short to hold grudges. Mature people move on and get on with it. Life's too short to fear to trust. If you don't trust then let it be out of choice not fear and be prepared to deal with burdens on your own. Life's too short. End of..

..which is precisely why you need to distinguish the qualified from the unqualified.


The option lies with you:
To trust or not to trust - that is the question. You are the examiner. Only allow worthy candidates a space in your 'class'.




Take care,

@CillaCasey xx


Friday, 22 March 2013

I can't be bothered/Lump of no progress

Depression is more common than a lot of people think it is.
We all have different ways of dealing with our issues - some of us fail to find a way to cope with the challenges life throws at us and some of us keep fighting with a bold, brave exterior to the outside world. In whatever you're going through you're not alone. There is someone, somewhere going through a very similar situation as you, the difference being the exact circumstances obviously and how you deal with the problem.

As much as we'd all like to think we are completely unique in this world, we're a lot more similar than we are different. That spark that does make you different is not ignited from birth. Something has to trigger it and if depression is in the way then you'll find yourself quenching it; you'll be likely to fall slave to a monotonous, dead mind frame ; the joys and passions in your life may end up taking a back seat and those heavy heart/weary mind feelings may end up taking the steering wheel.



Depression is the ultimate enemy. Look around, when do people fall? When there isn't enough positivity juice fueling their motivation tank.

Having a breakdown does not make you weak. Crying and feeling overwhelmed and stressed does not make you any less capable. The potential in you is still VERY much present but you are blocking it off by YOURSELF. You only live once. You only have one life to show your potential.

If half of the people that scream YOLO really did believe in it then most of them would be millionaires, they'd be grabbing life and running with it at full pelt. They'd be over the horizon of success before you could even ask them to take you with them. They would actively be making the most of only living once and not just saying it.

You SERIOUSLY don't have time to be feeling down and disheartened. I'm not telling you to ignore the pain that your heart/mind may be suffering from- that would be fatal. What I am saying is quickly and efficiently deal with the issue or it will eat you up before your prime. We only get one shot at this life.

I personally don't believe in re-incarnation so for me this really is my only chance and the Lord knows I'm going through my own challenges but you have to remember that you are bigger than your challenges. It's your own mind that tells you that you're not.

'The heart of man is desperately wicked, who can know it?' - Bible quote.

My friends, the mind is desperately wicked too and it needs to be tamed. It is disgustingly easy for a human to fall into the claws of depression, the mind actually tends to like it because it's a place where you don't have to come up with solutions, a place where your mind can prop it's feet up and let your emotions and body wreak havoc on you as an individual. It is a place of excuses. It is a place that is NOT for you.

When I say this I am being very serious : You need to train your mind.
We weren't given a detailed step by step instruction manual for this life. You teach yourself and allow other influences to teach you.

Be the first to get to your mind and let it know that you're in charge. When you don't want to do that essay or when you can't be bothered to get out of bed just realise that your mind is single handedly and directly affecting your actions. You CAN and WILL do that essay. You CAN and WILL get out of bed. Who is in control? You or that lazy part of the mind I personally call 'the lump of no progress'?

We all have a lump of no progress. Get that chisel or better yet, a hammer and HACK.AT.THAT.LUMP.
Please be aware that that was metaphorical, I am NOT advising you to physically mash your brain to a pulp.
Get rid of that lazy mentality and get back on track.
That's all depression is; an advanced form of laziness. Depression is the act of letting the lump of no progress take control.


'It's not that easy! You don't understand what I'm going through!' You cry, tears rolling down your cheeks.
You're right. I probably don't. But I can bet you that's your lump of no progress crying, not you.

You ONLY live once.

Love Cilla xxxx
For personal advice email cillacasey@live.co.uk
Twitter : @CillaCasey




Tuesday, 5 March 2013

#FFFLadies

Hey guys, It's March! :)

Quite a few people have been asking how I got into music so I'm going to take this opportunity to tell you :) Enjoy !

I wrote my first rap when I was 15. It was about 10 o'clock and I was on the phone to my close friend when I made a joke about 'Pinocchio's nose'.
'Cilla' she laughed. 'How the heck did you come up with that?'
'I don't know' I replied, frowning my face. 'Was it really that funny?'
'Yes! You're a joker!' and she laughed on for a minute or two. I shrugged and laughed too.

I had never thought of doing rap but before I went to bed I scribbled down some lyrics on a scrap of paper. The next morning I jumped onto my parents bed and woke them up. As they screwed their faces and grumbled I straightened out my piece of paper and began to read my lyrics out loud.
'see people living the microwave life. boom boom boom, like uncle bens rice'
'I like that' replied my Mum, 'but why not jollof rice?'

I sat on that rap for a few months. I wrote others but I had no intention of recording them. Then in steps the new head teacher. He wanted to push the school forward in the directions of technology advancement. Out went the bulky computer monitors and in came the apple macs, in came the new projectors and most importantly for me, in came the new recording studio. Walking past it a few times I considered having a go on the mic but never booked a session.





When I'd finally knocked up enough courage I asked the technician if I could book a session. He promised to slot me right in and I was told the date and time. The day to record soon came and picking two friends to come with me, I laid my lyrics on the stand and quaking in my boots I began to rap. I was shaking like a leaf. The track ended and I opened my eyes. The technician swiveled round on his chair, mouth opened and clapped for me. My friends, just as surprised, started to clap too.
My 'thank you' was barely audible.
The technician took off his headphones and came up to the glass.
'Pinnochios nose? Wow!' he said nodding his head.

A few days later the new female technician stopped me at the reception.
'I heard your song! I loved it! You're a right lil' superstar' she beamed.
I thanked her but I was unconvinced.

On receiving the mix-down from the technician I vowed to keep it to myself. 'This is going nowhere' said the voice in my head. My two friends however had a different idea. I gave in to their request, uploaded the track onto YouTube and posted it to Facebook. In what seemed like no time I had 50 shares and countless inboxes coming in from left, right and centre.
After hitting the hundred view mark in an hour my friend messaged me.
'Now that wasn't so hard was it?'

( The video : http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4UjBepV1w1s )

The whole music agenda was short lived however. GCSE's came on to the scene and I wasn't about to put my grades second for anything. Something had to give and so I put music on hold. With the passion I had accumulated for rap I simply couldn't juggle both, not at that age anyway. I'd spend hours writing and my father warned me that my grades might suffer because of it. I remember huffing and puffing & literally blowing the house down at this. I had convinced my parents to buy me a top quality mic, recording software and producing software and here they were telling me to take a break.
'It's your choice' my Dad said.

In the end I did decide to take a break  and I'm glad I did as the raps I wrote two years ago are good skeletons and now that my English skills have improved considerably I can develop them further and play around with the wording. I can finally get some flesh and substance onto those bones I used to call lyrics.

***
Two years on from deciding to break and queue my good friend Shimzie. It didn't take us long to decide that we wanted to make a track together so we got planning.
We picked a day to record and that was that. Walking towards the studio I informed Shimzie of how nervous I was.
'Don't worry'. He told me, 'We're gonna make a banger'
I nodded and smiled.

The track was soon recorded but we needed a release date. The 1st of March 2013 was suggested to us and we agreed to it.
Up went the statuses, out flew the broadcasts but we failed to realise one thing - we had given ourselves a WEEK to promote. That week had to be one of the craziest weeks of my life - we literally didn't sleep. Two days after deciding on the 1st March over 200 people had '#FFFLadies' in their blackberry messenger names and there was a constant 'What does #FFFLadies mean?' chat popping up from different contacts. The street team were ready, my sister was already on her flight to Nigeria where further promo would be carried out and most of the #FFF crew had their broadcoasts saved in 'Memo's' ready to be sent out.
I hadn't uploaded a rap in two years and my main concern was that I really hoped listeners thought the wait was worth it.
Shimzie and myself held our breath and on the 1st March I clicked the all important 'upload' button on YouTube.

...and here it is:
Fyne Ladies by Cilla Casey and Shimzie
Fyne Ladies on YouTube
( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZAbk_4u6PE )

Posts about Fyne Ladies
TypicalNaija
XclusiveHit

Posts about Cilla Casey
TheHippocraticOath
Twitter hashtag: #FFFLadies

Hope you like :)
Love Cilla xx

Wednesday, 13 February 2013

February & Shimzie

It's February ! The month of that day. The month of Valentines day. Aye..
Pictures of couples ON MY TIMELINE, pictures of couples ON MY UPDATES, pictures of couples ON MY HOMEPAGE, pictures of couples ERRWHERE.

and

rose prices increasing by eye-watering amounts, chocolates suddenly coming in exclusive red wrappers & Clinton cards suddenly becoming a VERY noticeable shop.
It's like Christmas all over again but more red & black than red, white and green.

Am I complaining? Heck no. I love it ! There's a festive tint to the air and it's a chance for me and my siblings to say 'Go on Mum and Dad, stop worrying about us. Go out and have fun, just the two of you'.


Ah, good ol' V day and I was wondering why the sexy lingerie was selling out quick in Marks & Spencer's...At least now I know.

So, as you've probably established, I'm all for Valentines day but it seems that a lot of people aren't. I can't tell you how many times I've heard 'valentines day is pointless. You should show love everyday' and whilst I agree that love should be shown all the time who says that a couple cant just go all out on February 14th? It's like a shared birthday, a shared celebration. Not a family celebration, not a religious celebration..just a celebration for the two. A celebration of a couples togetherness. I think that's something worth celebrating right?
You may agree or disagree but either way February the 14th is Valentines day and it's all about love so you might as well love it.

Okay. Enough about that.

Shimzie. Does that name ring a bell? If it doesn't then that REALLY isn't justifiable seeing as he's a hot topic at the moment.
So, again I ask. Have you heard of Shimzie?
Still no? Well you need a lawyer quickly because that right there is a crime.



Let me fill you in.

Shimzie A.K.A Mr Lecturah is a young rapper from London whose style is afrobeat/hip-Hop. His videos have been aired on established TV stations such as BEN and he has performed at venues such as the Indigo 02 and Trafalgar Square. He's a hot act to book and has been on the lineup at events such as 'RichMix' and the 'TGYM Launch Night'

and it doesn't stop there folks..

He has performed at the Camden Rock AfroBeat Special hosted by Take The Stage TV, he has a Myspace following of over 100,000 AND he's opened for the likes of Professor Green , Tinie Tempah, Mista Silva and DotStar. Now if that isn't impressive then I don't know what is :|

and it STILL doesn't stop there

Shimzie has performed at EndowedEnts Xmas Splash and has featured on KNW ME TV with his younger brother Lil Opy (who is also a rapper) and you've guessed it- it doesn't stop there but I think you get the picture.

Taking all of that into consideration I'm sure you can understand why I was hyped when Shimzie contacted me to say he had released another track. I vouched my interest and he promptly sent his new music through to my email. I had a listen and I wasn't disappointed.
Named 'Banana Boat' the track talks about the lies some guys tell to make themselves look cool. Shimzie uses the idea of an immigrant who takes a 'banana boat' to a land of prosperity. The character not only lies about how he has come to the land but carries himself as if he is entitled to be there; the underlying idea being that some people forget where they came from and are quick to cover their roots with lies and careless bragging.
I liked this track because Shimzie manages to put a common issue on the table, an issue that when talked about causes most people to yawn and become fidgety. Shimzie essentially polishes the table and places seats around it; the lyrics are clean cut and catchy and the viewpoint is loose and playful enabling the listener to just sit back and enjoy it. Those who have a love for afrobeats won't be able to stop listening to this hot track and those that don't usually enjoy afrobeats might just love the smooth but crisp texture that is Shimzies voice. Go on.. check him out. You know you want to.

Listen to Banana Boat here : https://soundcloud.com/shimzie

Best served loud in headphones that have good bass! If you have no bass then  ---> -____________-

and since there's that scent of love in the air check out Shimzies newest track 'Gimmie Ur Luv 2nite'. Perfect timing with that release ay Shimz? Hmm. Winter Wifey is another favorite of mine, check that out too.



Check out Shimzie's website : www.shimzieandlilopy.com

Follow Shimzie on Twitter : @Shimzilicious

Check his music links :
- www.reverbnation.com/shimzie
- www.soundcloud.com/shimzie

Should I have a listen to one of your tracks? Any enquiries?
Email me: cillacasey@live.co.uk

 Stay safe and show love,

Cilla Casey x

Tuesday, 15 January 2013

Give Me Confidence

Hey !
Before I launch into the subject of this blog I would like to say Happy New Year ! It's quite overdue but better late than never eh? I genuinely hope you had a great Christmas and got what you needed.

In addition to this, I would like to apologise for the delay of this post. I've been extremely busy with projects and music alike and though that is a poor excuse I hope that you understand.
I've read ALL of the emails sent to me and the forecast is that I'm going to be a very busy girl blogging about all your suggested topics. Thank you to those that have emailed and if you haven't emailed already then feel free to. I always try to help.

Give Me Confidence

I was walking past KFC the other day and I noticed their advert for the snackbox. I noticed how much food came in a snackbox and I suddenly noticed that I was very hungry. I was with a friend and as the smell of southern fried chicken wafted through the winter air we found ourselves turning to the right and walking right into the shop. I ordered, paid and opened my box.
I probably blinked about a hundred times in shock as it seemed as though they had given me two southern fried ants and some potato toothpicks. I knew there must have been some mistake. I wasn't sure if maybe a hamster had ordered before me but I was certain there must have been some mix up. The portion was so small ! I had fallen into the ever-so-easy-to-fall-into trap of false advertising. No grudges though. They need to reel customers in somehow don't they?

Can I give you confidence? No, no I cannot. I could put together a concoction of compliments and praises to make you temporarily feel like a goddess but I cannot give you confidence. In fact, any website, forum or advert that promises to give you confidence is lying. Confidence lies within yourself. It sounds cliche but it's 100% true. I refuse to sell anyone the dream of 'instant confidence', if you want to be sold dreams then go and buy a KFC snackbox. Please remember of course that I love KFC and there is no hatred here towards the franchise whatsoever.

One of the questions I get asked the most is 'How are you so confident?'. Confidence is beautiful, it enables you to value yourself. You know you've hit that level of confidence when someone calls you by a derogatory term such as 'bitch' and something clicks in your mind because you realise you're worth so much more than that. You realise that that label simply isn't for you. If you feel a niggling tickle in the corner of your mind when someone attempts to mock you then you may be more confident in yourself than you think..

Confidence takes time to build up. No constructed building has ever been built from the top downwards right? Confidence building is a process and unfortunately it can be very slow for some people.
I'm in no way a 'little Miss Perfect life' myself. I've had my fair share of insecurities too and it was only when the very foundations of my own confidence were shaken that I began to truly value myself.

I'm more confident in myself than I've ever been in my whole entire life and it hasn't been a pretty journey to get to this stage.When a personal condition is taken and moulded into a disgustingly deformed basis for chit-chat then it becomes a doddle to develop your confidence. Upset walked past my soul with its heavy luggage and carried on walking because there is simply no room for misery at the inn that is my heart.
If people are talking about you then face it, you must be interesting. Businesses spend MILLIONS trying to generate a buzz about their product. Got people talking? Who knows, there could be some business initiative there..

'Don't judge a book by it's cover'. Interesting statement that isn't it? One we all learnt from a young age but one we consistently fail to obey. It's very easy to look at someone, think something and voice your opinion to others but the stark reality is that unless you're their family member you're very unlikely to know the true extent of their situation.
 If you lack confidence it may be because you have been judged before by someone or a group of people before they have had a chance to get to know you, someone may have commented on something and you may have taken it to heart, letting is slowly rot your happiness. Don't get upset and insecure. Assist them. Open the book that is yourself and let your inner confidence radiate out of the very binds of your life novel.

Here's an idea. If you were a market seller and wanted to sell a new fruit to tough customers, you might open the fruit, talk about it, give the customer a smell of it and offer a few recipe's. You wouldn't just let the customer go. You, as a seller may have lacked confidence at first when no one wanted to know but once the fruit becomes a best seller simply because you've presented it well and shown what it's all about then you'll be pleased.

Try it out : Fake a business pitch and sell yourself. Really sell yourself. I have no doubt that there are least 50 positive things you can say about yourself. Recognise these and develop on them, start your own journey to gaining confidence.

Take a deep breathe and recite a polysyndetic list of as many positive features of yourself you can think of until you run out of breath. For example : I am beautiful AND talented AND courageous AND assertive AND ambitious AND confident..
When you run out of breath reflect on it.

Quick thought : Who are you most confident with? Why? What do they recognise in you that others don't? Take the confidence you have around that person and nuture it. Grow it until everyone else can see it.


Confidence can never be given to you. Know that. You have to grow and develop it yourself.

The coming statement is a warning. Do NOT be fooled by smiles and kind talk. There are venomous tongues wagging mechanically, determined to lick the concrete foundations of your confidence with their acidic saliva until there is nothing left of it but a small mound of eroded rock.

Once you figure out who the tongues belong to, don't hate them. I repeat, don't hate them. Pray for them, pray for that harsh acidity to be neutralised and pray for God to bless them. If they have time to be intent in knocking your confidence then you need to have time to pray for them. Spend as much time on them as they're spending on you. Fair exchange.
 
Thanks for the emails. I had fun writing this particular blog.
My new email is cillacasey@live.co.uk and it's specifically for my blog :)
Feel free to email me for advice or just for a chat.

Oh yeah and follow if you liked. @CillaCasey

As ever girls, stay beautiful.

Love Cilla xoxoxo






Wednesday, 5 September 2012

New Academic Year

So we've all had our holidays. They may have been live or they may have been dead but what's certain now is that they're over and it's time to get to work.

There WILL be hot guys/girls to look at and there WILL be live programmes to watch when you get home after school but this is the time that you need to be able to say NO. This is the time your priority organisation undergoes it's toughest test.

A year is not long, our brain tells us it is to give us an excuse to waste time but a year is not long at all. You only have to look back to your younger years to realise how quickly time goes. Take this year and make the most of it. REALLY make the most of it.




When I look back to the year 2009 I remember it as the year facebook really got alot of us. Many people my age were on that site 24/7, including myself. I had facebook on my phone, I got notifications sent to my email, I was all about facebook !
When the exposure pages came out everyone was eager to log in and see what was going on ; who was being exposed. Alot of us wasted time. If that time had gone to serious measures who knows where some of us would be by now..

Time stops for no man. Work hard and give it all you've got so that you can look back and smile. Regret is a horrible thing, it's like a bad smell- it may go away but when it's there it's unbearable. You don't want to have to look back and say 'I should have tried harder'.

Whether its a new primary school or secondary school year, college, university or even a new job remember that the hard work will definitely be more rewarding than the not-so-much effort work. Enjoyment may seem miles away now but it all depends on your mindset.
Think positively and working wont be so unbearable.
Think negativley and you'll  get the 'disaster illusion' of time dragging on when really it's flying past you.

Grab your life by the shoulders and shake it. Wake up and shake it up. Change your perfume, or your bath soap. Change the playlist on your phone, change your computer background to something inspiring or re-arrange your room. Change your attitude for the better. Mix it up and keep life exciting and fresh.
Work doesn't have to be daunting. It's all in your head.
You are your own master. Don't let yourself down.

Cilla x

Monday, 6 August 2012

The fluffy lollipop breakup

  Before you read: My advice does not apply to everyone. This blog post depends on how intense your feelings were. This post is aimed at those with very strong feelings who are not coping well.

Karmin- Too Many Fish ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=if97KVPoyH0&feature=channel&list=UL)
^ Listen to that and then read on.



He dumps you. It's gonna hurt. I can't stop it from hurting. You're going to cry till your eyes are sore. The world will feel like it's collapsing around you and no matter how many times your friends tell you 'He's an idiot' or 'you deserve better' you'll still end up wishing you were back with him. You think you still want him; you might even be crying right now.
Your insecurites might creep in, you'll almost definitely think your ugly and you'll feel like nobody understands. Thats okay because no-one does understand.

It' okay. You're not crazy. You're just going through a difficult time. You're perfectly normal! Yeah, sure you had a good time but let it ease away a bit, he's a fluffy lollipop.

I'll explain what a fluffy lollipop is:

When a child drops a lollipop, it becomes fluffy. The child will pick it up and try to eat it. The parent will then take the lollipop and throw it in the bin and this makes the child cry. The childs cry isn't just because they wanted to eat the lollipop but it's also because a child likes to have a sense of ownership and choice over their possessions. Once the lollipop has been taken away from them without their approval they feel invaded/defeated and so they cry DESPITE the fact that the lollipop has been taken away from them for their own good.
If the parent had simply explained to the child that the lollipop was dirty and could poison them then the child would have made up their own mind about it and happily thrown it away. See the difference?



It's very likely that you only want this guy back because he ended the relationship without your approval - you wern't ready for it : The boy of your dreams has suddenly been 'snatched' from your reach. In essence you feel like your fluffy lollipop has been taken away from you. Your pride is defeated and has been invaded. But I'm telling you now that the lollipop is replaceable- Bet you never knew that huh? All you need to do is chuck that ragged old sweet in the bin and take this new lollipop instead (independance and happiness). It's that simple. You only deserve the best.

So while your sucking on that sparkly new bubble-gum centre lollipop ( I see you have upgraded. Bye fluffy!) I want to bring something to your attention.
*clears throat*
Imagine I'm shouting this next bit like an army marshall through a loudspeaker:

THERE ARE OVER 6 BILLION PEOPLE ON THIS PLANET.
IN OTHER WORDS: THERE ARE CHOCOLATE BARS, HUBBA BUBBA GUMS, FIZZY DRINKS, SALADS, SUSHI AND CAKE. SO WHY DO YOU WANT A FLUFFY LOLLIPOP?

Seriously HE dumped YOU? Is he trying to be funny? Because I'm not laughing :|
Girl, I send my imaginary hugs to your brilliant self. You're a star- remember that and nope don't look behind you - I'm talking to YOU.
To be fair I won't know your exact situation but if he's let go of you then waste no time and carry on living life. These things happen and right now your heart may feel well and truly sliced in two and you may feel sick with grief but of course you're going to feel sick if you're sucking on a fluffly lollipop- Think about it. Rubbish makes one sick.
This relationship has been dropped. Dirt will get in your nails if you try and pick it up so #leaveityeah?

However, if you do pick it up and get back together then make sure it's not because you're feeling insecure about yourself (read previous blog). Make sure your reason for getting back together is valid (true love). Also remember that he's made you feel worthless and he CAN do it again so keep your guard up and ensure that you are emotionally stable and are not just trying to fill the void.

The globe keeps spinning so keep living and smiling. There are millions upon millions of other boys to choose from. Millions.
Have a break though- too much boy can make one dumb.
Yeah, have a break, have a kit-kat.
Who needs lollipops after all?

Cilla xxx

Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Single With Insecurities?

If you're single and you say you haven't thought of an ideal relationship at least once in the past month then you are very likely to be lying. We've all seen those Tumblr pictures: the really good looking couple, kitted out in snapacks and jordans and thought 'I want a relationship like that' and to be honest it's completely understandable seeing as they look so happy and cute together. Heck, it's enough to make any single girl want to jump in to bed and cry.

So, wait. Does this mean that a relationship= happiness? Some may think that I just asked a really stupid question but you'd be surprised at how many young girls think that a relationship is the answer to various problems. Many believe that a boyfriend will give them confidence, destroy their depression and make them feel beautiful and when a girl starts to think like this she is putting herself in danger.

NEVER, I repeat NEVER go into a relationship if you are not at LEAST 80% confident in who you are and what you stand for. Have a clear idea of what you are willing to give him.
Insecurities are BLINDING. The boy will tell you something you WANT to hear and you may lap it up due to self pity. Once he's gassed you up, you're in risk of doing things you wouldn't normally do. Of course not every boy is like this but in this coming day and age where sex sells everything down to Alpen cereal, boys can find temptation very hard to put off and end up thinking with their 2nd brain if you get what I mean. It's not their fault, they'll grow out of it...maybe.

Little story: 
 
Claire is 16. She's hot and still hasn't kissed a boy. She doesn't usually go to packed gatherings but today she's going to a house party. She turns up with her group and despite being shy she starts dancing. She spots a boy watching her and she hears someone call his name 'Michael!'. It's only 7pm and it's light outide but Claire decides to leave anyway. Waving to her friends, she leaves. 
Michael comes out shortly after and Claire then realises that she recognises him from some facebook page. He sits next to her at the bus stop, it's awkward at first but Michael breaks the ice and they start talking. They get on the same bus. Its a 20 minute journey and theyre getting on quite well when Claire presses the bell to get off.
'Don't I get a hug beautiful?' asks a smiling Michael. They hug and Claire feels strange, a weird sort of happy. She's never been 'moved' before. It's always her friend Mellissa that boys want to talk to.
'And a kiss?' Michael asks, still smiling. Claire hestitates but taken in the moment she kisses him and it feels great.
***
She's still buzzing when she arrives at home. 'I could have a boyfriend' she thinks, 'He's hot too'
She decides that she'll wait until he messages her first but two hours pass and Claire is impatient. She searches his name and clicks on his profile. 
Michael is in a relationship.



 Claire laughs in disbelief but continues to check his feed. It's real. Michaels girlfriend has written all over his wall - her last post stating that she misses him and wants him to come over 'NOW'. The sentence ends with a wink.
Claire sits back.
'My first kiss' she says, tears rolling uncontrollably down her cheeks.  'He had my first kiss'.
- End

Claires a sensible girl and her first kiss was always something she'd wanted to have with someone special but unfortunately for her she got taken in the moment. The promise of being wanted by a hot guy and the thought of an ideal relationship blinded her. In a moment of lust she wrongly thought she had to please him.
Being a shy girl and not going to packed events resulted in her not being used to such in-your-face attention. All Michael had to do was compliment her and he knew that. He called her 'beautiful' and the common 'single insecurity' kicked in, causing her to quickly fall for him. Claire THINKS that she's a frigid, strong minded girl but Michael could have easily taken her virginity that day, simply by flattering her.

Girls. Do two things today: Tackle your insecurities and get to know yourself. These are two powerful tools to happiness AND protection. If you know what you want and what you stand for then life becomes so much clearer and if you don't allow your insecurities to get in the way then you'll be so much happier.

A common misconception is that a boyfriend/relationship will make you happy. It might do for a while but if  you're not ready then it won't work.
My advice is that you should wait until you know and love yourself. Girls that enter relationships due to a boy temporarily curing their insecurities become severely depressed when the relationship ends as they relied so much on the boy for reassurance and attention. After the break up they genuinely feel ugly and neglected.
Relationships can sound fun and perfect but if you're not ready and you're still insecure then wait for your Prince Charming. He will come. Patience is key. Trust me.

Cilla xxx

Saturday, 7 July 2012

The Green Eyed Monster (Jealousy)

So you see this really pretty girl on Twitter/Tumblr  and you get this horrible pang right in the centre of your gut.
You sink deep into self pity as you flick through endless pictures of her ever-so-pretty face. Thoughts start racing through your head: 'I wish I looked like her, I wish I had a smile like hers, She's so pretty'. 
The thoughts start spiralling out of control: 'I'm so ugly, Why cant I look like her? Life's not fair'
You sigh and zoom into her face, trying to find some sort of imperfection inb her features to make you feel better. You scroll down and- NO. C'mon girl?!

Okay that was a bit exagerated but if you get that jealous feeling when you see a really pretty chick then read on.
Imagine this situation:
There's two dance competitions. One on MTV and one on Disney Channel. You're taking part in the MTV show and you win. Another girl wins the Disney Channel show. Instead of celebrating you become upset because you think the winner of the Disney Channel show is better than you. Why does it even matter if you think she's better than you? You won your competition and she won hers. Are you so ungrateful that you dont appreciate your own talents? Watch the face though ----> :/  Why do you even care? She's enjoying herself and you're wishing you were in her shoes.
But LISTEN:
She is in a DIFFERENT show.
She is a DIFFERENT person.
She can't be a 'better dancer' because you have DIFFERENT styles and you are DIFFERENT people. Were you born at the same time? Are you the exact same height? Exact same weight? No.
Conclusion: You are not comparible. You are DIFFERENT. You are SPECIAL. Forget about her. She is irrelevant. She is the weakest link. Tell her Goodbye.

Okay, so now thats said, sit for two minutes and think of all the people you WOULDN'T want to look like. Make a category of them. You're in this category and you're the best looking by FAR. That really pretty girl you envied before is the best looking in another category and her category is on another planet so erm forget her. She's a piece of paper in your brain, scrunch her up and throw her in your mental bin. Now throw the bin out the window.
YOU focus on staying ontop of YOUR category.
Now that does not mean being vain. It means appreciating YOUR face and realising that there are at least a MILLION people that would KILL to have your face. Think about it.

The pretty girl is a DIFFERENT girl so don't worry about her. She is a different dancer on a different channel and you are not competing with each other, So why do you feel threatened by her?
Anyway, as unbelievable as it might sound now, there are people that think you're prettier than her.

Next time you see someone and you feel that jealousy,  remind yourself: 
1. You're different people. She is her, you are you. Face that.
2. You are not competing. You are in different leagues. WHY is she on your mind? WHY? Damn. She aint the prettiest thing in the world. Cadburys Chocolate is pretty, you gonna hate on that? Get outta here!
3. It's healthy to acknowledge that she's pretty. Clap for yourself! Now exit her picture and do something towards your future! Envying her looks wont get you paid. Loving yourself and getting on with life will !
Have a nice day loving yourself.
Cilla xx

Email me personally for personal advice : Cillacaseyofficial@live.co.uk