Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Single With Insecurities?

If you're single and you say you haven't thought of an ideal relationship at least once in the past month then you are very likely to be lying. We've all seen those Tumblr pictures: the really good looking couple, kitted out in snapacks and jordans and thought 'I want a relationship like that' and to be honest it's completely understandable seeing as they look so happy and cute together. Heck, it's enough to make any single girl want to jump in to bed and cry.

So, wait. Does this mean that a relationship= happiness? Some may think that I just asked a really stupid question but you'd be surprised at how many young girls think that a relationship is the answer to various problems. Many believe that a boyfriend will give them confidence, destroy their depression and make them feel beautiful and when a girl starts to think like this she is putting herself in danger.

NEVER, I repeat NEVER go into a relationship if you are not at LEAST 80% confident in who you are and what you stand for. Have a clear idea of what you are willing to give him.
Insecurities are BLINDING. The boy will tell you something you WANT to hear and you may lap it up due to self pity. Once he's gassed you up, you're in risk of doing things you wouldn't normally do. Of course not every boy is like this but in this coming day and age where sex sells everything down to Alpen cereal, boys can find temptation very hard to put off and end up thinking with their 2nd brain if you get what I mean. It's not their fault, they'll grow out of it...maybe.

Little story: 
Claire is 16. She's hot and still hasn't kissed a boy. She doesn't usually go to packed gatherings but today she's going to a house party. She turns up with her group and despite being shy she starts dancing. She spots a boy watching her and she hears someone call his name 'Michael!'. It's only 7pm and it's light outide but Claire decides to leave anyway. Waving to her friends, she leaves. 
Michael comes out shortly after and Claire then realises that she recognises him from some facebook page. He sits next to her at the bus stop, it's awkward at first but Michael breaks the ice and they start talking. They get on the same bus. Its a 20 minute journey and theyre getting on quite well when Claire presses the bell to get off.
'Don't I get a hug beautiful?' asks a smiling Michael. They hug and Claire feels strange, a weird sort of happy. She's never been 'moved' before. It's always her friend Mellissa that boys want to talk to.
'And a kiss?' Michael asks, still smiling. Claire hestitates but taken in the moment she kisses him and it feels great.
She's still buzzing when she arrives at home. 'I could have a boyfriend' she thinks, 'He's hot too'
She decides that she'll wait until he messages her first but two hours pass and Claire is impatient. She searches his name and clicks on his profile. 
Michael is in a relationship.

 Claire laughs in disbelief but continues to check his feed. It's real. Michaels girlfriend has written all over his wall - her last post stating that she misses him and wants him to come over 'NOW'. The sentence ends with a wink.
Claire sits back.
'My first kiss' she says, tears rolling uncontrollably down her cheeks.  'He had my first kiss'.
- End

Claires a sensible girl and her first kiss was always something she'd wanted to have with someone special but unfortunately for her she got taken in the moment. The promise of being wanted by a hot guy and the thought of an ideal relationship blinded her. In a moment of lust she wrongly thought she had to please him.
Being a shy girl and not going to packed events resulted in her not being used to such in-your-face attention. All Michael had to do was compliment her and he knew that. He called her 'beautiful' and the common 'single insecurity' kicked in, causing her to quickly fall for him. Claire THINKS that she's a frigid, strong minded girl but Michael could have easily taken her virginity that day, simply by flattering her.

Girls. Do two things today: Tackle your insecurities and get to know yourself. These are two powerful tools to happiness AND protection. If you know what you want and what you stand for then life becomes so much clearer and if you don't allow your insecurities to get in the way then you'll be so much happier.

A common misconception is that a boyfriend/relationship will make you happy. It might do for a while but if  you're not ready then it won't work.
My advice is that you should wait until you know and love yourself. Girls that enter relationships due to a boy temporarily curing their insecurities become severely depressed when the relationship ends as they relied so much on the boy for reassurance and attention. After the break up they genuinely feel ugly and neglected.
Relationships can sound fun and perfect but if you're not ready and you're still insecure then wait for your Prince Charming. He will come. Patience is key. Trust me.

Cilla xxx